Acceptance

I look at who I am today and try to not compare with what I was. I realize that the closer I get to the school year (I am a p.e. teacher.....says the girl with the eating disorder), the more difficult it is. While in treatment, I thought I had gotten a good handle on it. Now I find that to not be the case. It goes beyond the body and what it looks like. I have, somewhere along the line, set this standard for myself. I am an athlete, I am a teacher, therefore, I must be........fill in the blank. I always felt I had to be the model of perfect health, of perfect eating. All the while I had this shameful secret that was slowly killing me (not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well). The thing is, no one told me I had to be a certain way. No one said "you are an athlete, you are a teacher, you must be held to this standard and you must keep this image." It was all my creation.
So now I find myself stuck....I'm not happy with what I am but I'm not willing to do what I had to do to keep the image/standard. Part of me doesn't want to accept me the way that I currently am, but I look at everything I have in my life right now. My life is 100% better today than it was 7 months ago. I have decisions to make....accept it or don't. If I don't, am I ready to face the consequences that are inevitable?